Shake It Out
by Vhallian
Summary: Castiel, left frightened and scarred by his fall depends on Dean for comfort, one afternoon he comes across the book "Twist and Shout". After reading it, he discovers how much he really needs Dean and how afraid he is to lose him. AN:/I do not own 'Twist and Shout'. If you have not read it, I warn you about pain and tears but would recommend it to you.


**AN: **Set post-Season 8, therefore Cas is human.

Sam threw open the door to the bunker. "Dean!"

His brother out of the kitchen. "Anything?"

"No." Sam said regretfully. "There are no cases, how bad is it that I'm disappointed?"

Dean shook his head and patted his brother's shoulder. "It's bad Satan."

Sam knocked Dean on the upper arm. "You're a jerk."

"Yeah, where's Cas?"

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Am I supposed to know that?"

"He didn't go with you?"

"No, he was reading when I left, _four hours ago." _

"Hm, wish I'd known there was someone here."

"...Dude."

"Not like that you asshole! I needed someone to talk to, television isn't really a good substitute."

"Says the man who watches _Dr. Sexy M.D. _while I try and discuss cases with him."

Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm going to check on Cas, we shouldn't have left him alone for so long."

Sam stared at his brother's back as Dean stalked away down the hallway towards the library.

_And you are, always, my darling_

_Yours, _

_Cas_

_Dean read past this to the very bottom, where Cas' handwriting had changed slightly. _

_See you then. _

Castiel drew in a searing breath, blinking rapidly, urging himself to tear up, placing the book down in his lap, he placed trembling hands over his face, he had spent the last six hours absorbed in this book, there was a lot of feeling involved in such a read, he decided. At first he was excited, then a mixture of aroused and disgust, then panic, now; he had spent half an hour crying over apparently his own death, of all the things. A pit settled in his stomach, radiating depression throughout his entire body, maybe he should go find Dean. There was a chapter left in the book though, morbid curiosity plagued him so he flicked through it, skimming rather than reading.

_Dear Cas. _

He finished the book as the door banged open, he set the book aside, taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes.

"Cas?" It was Dean.

Castiel clambered to his feet so Dean could see him over the armchair, waving at Dean to greet him, Cas didn't talk any more, not since he fell.

Dean communicated to Castiel through American Sign Language, though he would never explain to Castiel how he'd learned it.

"_What's up?" _Dean signalled.

"_Reading."_

"_You were crying." _Dean signed noticing his friend's face, he crossed the room to Castiel.

Castiel nodded simply. "_Sad." _

Dean sighed, Cas had been plagued with guilt, grief and confusion since he fell. Dean was well accustomed to taking care of the fallen angel, comforting him; it surprised everyone how gently Dean would treat Cas nowadays and especially the utter disregard for personal space. "_I'm sorry Cas, everything is fine, we'll help you, remember?" _

"_I know." _

"_Good." _Dean put his hand on Castiel's shoulders. "_Let's find Sammy, OK? He'll be worried if I spend too much time around these books." _

Castiel glanced back at _Twist and Shout _laying abandoned on the chair, waves dancing on the front cover.

"Was it any good?" Dean asked aloud this time.

Castiel gave no clear answer, simply walking away, shrugging, Dean walked after him.

As the pair passed the kitchen, Sam called out to them.

"Is macaroni and cheese all right for dinner?"

"Yeah, thanks Sammy." Dean replied quickly.

Castiel looked absolutely miserable.

"Cas? Is that OK?"

Castiel stared straight ahead, he felt profoundly dead inside, he felt his eyes swimming in tears again.

"Cas?" Dean looked concerned, he put an arm around Cas's shoulders, pulling Cas against his chest. "Shhh, don't cry. I'm sorry."

He apologized every time Castiel would cry, he would never explain it to Cas, in fact, he wasn't sure it was entirely explicable why he felt responsible for what happened to Cas.

Sam peeked out of the kitchen. "Uh, oh. Yes or no to macaroni?"

Dean glared at him.

Castiel showed Dean a hand gesture. "_That sounds fine." _

"Cas says 'OK' Sammy."

"All-righty then." Sam said hesitantly. "I'll just go do that then."

* * *

Much later that night, Dean awoke to the sound of breathless sobs, ghastly gasped noises, he sat upright; Castiel was sitting on the edge of their bed, struggling with something.

"Cas? What's wrong with you tonight?"  
Castiel shied away from Dean at the somewhat harsh words.

Dean sighed. "Not like that, Cas, I want to know why you are having such a hard time today? It's not usually this bad."

Castiel shook his head frantically, Dean was unsure as to what he was protesting.

"Come." Dean laid back against his headboard, pulling Castiel into an embrace.

Castiel took a few deep breaths, calming himself; he was unsure as to why he woke from a nightmare heavily based on the book he'd read that afternoon, why it had affected him so much, Dean hadn't left his side all evening, neither of them were dead; clearly.

Dean began humming one of the songs he remembered his mother humming to Sammy and that he had later hummed to his brother as children to get him to fall asleep, that old Elvis song, _Can't Help Falling in Love _or something of that sort.

Castiel began to sob much harder, _what on earth was Dean doing? Did he know? Was he making fun of Cas?_

Dean noticed. "You really don't dig Elvis, all right, I'll shut up."

Castiel was certain, if he sobbed any more than he was after that comment. his head would explode.

"Cas, _Cas. _Shhh…." Dean whispered into his friend's hair. "It's all right, we're going to take care of it. I'm sorry."

Gradually Castiel found himself able to relax against Dean, reminding himself it was just a dream, as he lay there, it dawned on his somewhat dazed mind that despite the terrible events of the end of the book; his counterpart in _Twist and Shout _was so happy with Dean for those few years, he himself couldn't have Dean like that, it tore at the shreds of his already damaged heart. Uneasily he drifted towards sleep and eventually out of consciousness completely.

* * *

Dean woke earlier than Castiel and slipped out of the room they had been sharing since Cas had fallen, he reasoned last night that Cas had begun to act mega-fragile after his reading yesterday, it couldn't hurt to see what had upset him. He left Cas a little note in case he wasn't well when he woke up.

Morning Cas!

I went down to the library early this morning for that research Sammy and I were talking about.

Come on downstairs when you want, OK?

Then Dean crept from the room and downstairs, trying to make as little noise past Sam's room, however that proved unnecessary when he found Sam asleep in the library, Cas's book laying at the "The End" page upon his lap.

"Sammy!"

His brother jerked awake. "Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"I was reading."

"Finished?"

"Yeah, why? What's going on?" Sam yawned enormously.

"I want to read that." Dean said pointing at the book, waiting for Sam's teasing.

"I don't think it's a good idea." Sam said cautiously. "You should just leave it."

"You cried about it too? Hand it the hell over Sammy."

Sam grumbled. "I have a feeling I'll be saying 'I told you so'."

"Piss off Samantha."

"I'm going to make coffee, want any?"

"No thanks, make sure Cas is OK this morning please!" Dean called after his brother, taking Sammy's place in the same armchair where Castiel had sat the previous day.

Sam didn't reply, just walked upstairs rolling his eyes excessively.

* * *

Four hours later, Dean was snapping the book shut, the most accurate description for what he was feeling being stabbed through the heart, and he also knew firsthand what that felt like. A cold dread and sadness seemed to infect his blood and travel through him, he wanted to shout and sob but at the same time, didn't even have the emotional energy for that. It wasn't like he was the Dean Winchester from the story or anything, oh screw it! _That is me. _Dean decided.

He dashed upstairs, slamming into Sam in the hallway.

"Dean! Watch out!" Sam growled massaging his cheekbone where Dean's head had collided with his.

"Sorry dude, sorry. Where's Cas?"

Sam shrugged. "He went out, I take it you finished?"

"Is he OK?"

"As OK as Castiel gets, yeah he's fine man."

"When did he leave?"

"Ten minutes ago, he went for a 'walk' I guess. Dean calm down, it's not like he's going to pull a Dean Winchester and leave you without explanation."

"Is that some sick joke Sammy?"

"Sorry!"

Dean dashed past his brother. "Bye!"

Sam looked bewilderedly after his older sibling. "Bye?" he shook his head, half the time he didn't understand what these two idiots thought they were doing, turning around he headed back to his computer; at least HE could be useful and find a case for them.

Meanwhile Dean had hopped into the Impala and drove off down the road away from the bunker, hoping Cas had taken the road.

It took him only a moment before he saw the figure in a dirty trench coat, walking solitarily down the road.

He pulled up beside Castiel, who stopped and looked at the Impala concerned.

Suddenly something occurred to Dean, he smiled for the first time that morning to himself. "Need a ride?"

Castiel stared blankly at Dean.

"Yeah, you. You're the only one standing there Cas!"

Cas nodded, wondering suspiciously if Dean was still poking fun at him, but he got into the passenger's seat of Dean's _baby_ anyways.

'Hang on." Revving the engine, Dean sped down the road.

Cas did not communicate with Dean until they reached a stop light, sign language was rather hard to accomplish while driving.

"_Where are we going, Dean?" _

"_Want to go for some food?"_

Cas shrugged, that was probably where Dean had been off to when he spotted Castiel. "_OK." _

Dean didn't say anything more, simply drove them to a little diner somewhere in the town, Castiel thought he may have been in there at one point, but couldn't remember clearly.

Inside they sat together at a small booth near the window, Dean ordered them both a milkshake and french fries to share, Castiel was feeling slightly offended by Dean's games at this point, in Dean's own words 'cut the crap'.

But he engaged in an idle conversation with his friend, as they both signalled back and forth, the other customers of the diner stared openly at them.

Castiel sipped his milkshake, his hands trembling with the overwhelming sense of deja vu.

Dean put his hand on Cas's shaking one. "_Are you OK?"_

"_No."_

"_You want to go?"_

"_Dean, what are you doing?"_

"_Well, I was going to pay and we could head home, OK?"_

"_Yes, fine. But why?, I don't understand why you are doing this."_

"_The Twist and Shout?" _The signal took awhile as Dean had to spell out the word for Castiel to understand. "Come on Cas." he left money tucked underneath his empty glass and swept out of the store.

Castiel thought about thanking the waitress, but she wouldn't understand him, he could not speak, he couldn't bring himself to. So he joined Dean in the Impala.

"_You didn't answer me." _Cas insisted once he had joined his friend.

"_Hm, I read it too you know, this morning. It scared the hell out of me, with Castiel Novak dying and everything, it just really seemed like us. I thought this was a good idea, but as usual I'm kind of a assbutt, huh?"_

Castiel smiled at Dean's use of 'assbutt'. "_I don't understand, but if it makes you feel better, then I am not mad." _

"_There was one thing Dean Winchester did, that I haven't done this afternoon." _

Castiel's eyes widened.

"You ever kissed a boy before?"


End file.
